Here's to being a Jew

'Cause on the Yom Kippur diet, I don't get to eat for 24 hours! Isn't that...something...

I find myself lagging in this. It might be because of the mass amount of paperwork that has been shitted on me since last I wrote. Or it could be my perpetual laziness. Who knows.

I have no given up on myself though. I'm still dieting and I'm doing ok. Nothing major unfortunately- but I'm doing alright. Exercising and not gaining any weight back.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong- I'm following a new diet that's great. It has me eating salads and eggs and all kinds of good things. And I've been monitoring myself for cheating- I can honestly say this is the best I've ever been when it comes to cheating. Truly. Maybe it's because my diet allows me dark chocolate. That might be it.

I went ice skating and laser tagging yesterday- I highly recommend it for workout purposes. Warning: ice skating will cause blisters. Trust me, people.

However, laser tagging is great because not only do you run around shooting people, but the adrenaline is so much that your heart is beating quickly. You're working out your heart which is good. Adrenaline helps- so long as it doesn't get overwhelming.

Anyway, that's about it for now. As it stands, I'm 255 and workin' my way slowly down. When I get to 10 pounds lost, I'm celebrating by buying a new t-shirt. Yay!

Alrighty all, off to write my paper. Fun.

So...

Whenever I wake up early in the morning, despite having been good and working out the night before, I always gain weight. And when I wake up late, I end up losing weight.

I'm trying really hard- working out and eating well. But if I wake up early, for whatever stupid illogical reason, I gain weight. So I've barely lost anything. And this time means more than the other times when I've lost two pounds and just been done. I want this- I don't want to be fat anymore. I just don't know what to do.

That's my emo post- probably should've forewarned you. Also, homework- uncool.

*sighsies* still workin'. Let ya know.

Holy Inferiority Complex, Batman!

It's been three weeks! Meaning...

Not much has happened. Crap.

My excuse is mainly the sickness, otherwise I wouldn't have stopped exercising. However, I am fully capable of breathing again (a tool needed in exercising/living), so it resumes tonight (despite the consumption of red wine that is making me sleepy)!

My pattern of thinking when it has come to food has significantly changed since the beginning of this. I always wait to see if it will and this time it actually has. I think it officially happened when I had some challah tonight (delicious Jew bread...yummy) and I picked up a big piece next to me...and I didn't want all of it. I was eating it and it tasted good, but then I put it down next to me and said, "I'm okay now." It relates back to that other huge epiphany being that I can have a bite and be done, only this is better- it's learning to control my impulse to immediately jump for familiar food.

My maturity knows no bounds, you poopy-heads! Ok, it needs work. But you get the gist- I'm still 255, but that's ok, because now the exercise can resume. Order can be restored. And I can go from slightly cute fat chick to hot chick (who, out of habit, will call herself a fat chick).

I'm not setting a deadline for myself because it'll subconsciously put too much pressure on myself and I will not fail on this one. This time's different- I can't begin to tell you why as you don't know me (except for my father currently reading this- hey Dad!) but it just is. So...yeah.

Alright, I'mma gonna try some exercises (no falling asleep because of alcohol...that wine sure was good though). Until next time!

Meh

I've been caught off track.

Due to my recent sickness, I haven't been able to exercise. And not being able to exercise means weight gain.

At least it seems to mean that for me. I thought I've honestly been being good, but then I gained two pounds. What the hell?

I have to start exercising again, despite the fact that I can't really breathe. Fun times.

I'll let ya know how it goes.

What day is it?

I'm not exactly sure of what to put on uneventful days. I could do a ranting of how Hollywood is proceeding to murder some of my favorite franchises, but that wasn't why I started this. If I wanted to rant and rave, I'd just go on LJ (ha ha).

Anyway, today was not a great day eating-wise. I have found that during this "journey" (for lack of a better word) I have become better at monitoring what I eat and how much of it I eat. However, today was not great with food content- sandwich (not so bad), big cookie (bad), burger (meh), and only a few fries, I promise (but still- *thumbs down*).

Not only that, but I'm busy trying to get my health in perfect form so I can go back to exercising. I ain't stopping this thing- I won't say even if it kills me because it's supposed to help me live, but I want it. And it's selfish in a lot of ways- I want it for what comes with it.

Does that make me selfish or just human?

I need to get back in track, exercise-wise. There's only so much chasing small children can do before they all fall down and choke down some sand with it (true story- it wasn't choking, but sand in the mouth nonetheless).

Alrighty folks, I need to drink some vodka and then I'm on my way! I mean...what? :-P just water for me, thanks; I'm dieting ;-)

That was fun

My blog thingy wouldn't let me sign back in, saying I didn't have an account or something. You're right, internet- it's not like this is actually anything...oh, wait, IT IS!

I hate it when technology is used against you. "Technology is the wave of the future"- I, Robot, anyone?

Anyhoo, I hath been sick for the past few days making it impossible to exercise without breathing (which is impossible, sick or not). However, because I was sick/not eating much, my weight is now...*drumroll please*

253!

Which means I've lost...6...pounds? I believe ha ha good for me for keeping track of things. Yay!

But so, now I continue my journey as my antibiotics clear my nasal cavities and my achiness is replaced by the achiness of school and work (rather than self-imposed from viruses).

So, I'm going to continue doing well- obstacle that I can think of is going overboard at the Jewish holidays. But, if I know me, then I'll just try to steer clear of things I know I'll eat too much of.

Alright kiddies, I have some homework to catch up on, so if yall who don't read this don't mind, I'mma gonna do that. Later yall!

So

I'm sick.

FML.

Will post more later.

There's the good news and the bad news

Good news: I lost another pound, once again making my tally 5 pounds

Bad news: (despite being in part of being good) It was because the South arose again. Or is it the North? I suck at history.

Good news: I've been getting a lot better at exercise and can see some change in my body (muscle-wise)

Bad news: I might be getting sick, so it'll halt everything: school, work, exercise. FUCK!

I cannot, will not, get sick! I won't! I wanna throw a temper tantrum dammit- I WON'T GET SICK!

Y'know what's weird is that I have a pretty good idea where it came from. The little kids where I work have been coughing and of course, they don't know to cover their mouths. Strangely enough, the little boy who started all the coughing yesterday wasn't there. And now today I feel kinda like shit- super.

Not only that, but my heterosexual life partner wants to exercise with me! And I want to- so stop it body! I will lose weight and I WILL NOT get sick.

The good news? Determination! Yay!

So, to make a long story short, I'm thinner but feel like shit. Woo! We'll see where this takes me...

It's a day of sorts

Super hungry. Don't know what to do for dinner. Although some of the three year olds I work with suggested sand. That's low in fat, right?

I did really well yesterday- at least, I thought I did. Imagine my surprise (here I am, all proud of myself) and the fucking scale goes, "Joke's on you, fatty, you gained a pound!" I'm sorry, but wtf?

Anyway, just doin' my best. I really want to do this, as I need to be in shape for my trip in the winter. Not only that, I'm trying to do this and it's like the universe is saying, "But we LOVE fatties. They go great with mustard." Or something vaguely along those lines.

Plus the fact that I keep getting the overwhelming urge to bake doesn't help. I don't want to eat it, I just want to bake it. But then my folks get upset if I bake it- "then we'll eat it!" Kind of the point, but whatever, maybe I'm just crazy.

So, I've been super good today, ordered a DVD of my favorite exercise routine (it's the Jillian Michaels one that I have now- but because it's on demand, it'll disappear soon and I want it for keepsies).

Sometimes, I want to punch myself in the stomach. And then I remember that that would more than likely hurt. Also, I like myself too much to hurt me. But, I don't like anyone else enough it seems because every time a skinny girl passes by, I want to grab her, punch her in the stomach, and yell, "EAT MORE!"

I still don't know what to do about dinner. I guess I'll go to the grocery store to get ideas. Remember: healthy. So I have to stay out of the cookie aisle (even though it always smells yummy).

Will workout later. Night kiddies.

Day...day

Today I have been exceptionally good, if unintentional.
Not trying to starve myself, mind you, there have just been so much happening that I have not really had any chances to eat (which in my case is a good thing, lest I eat too much).
All I've had today thus far is cereal, half a sandwich, and some yogurt. Oh, and some water thrown in there (gotta keep hydrated).
But, I now get to strive moreso to be in shape: in December, I'm going to Israel. There's going to be lots of hiking and activity, so not only do I have to exercise to later exercise, I need to be in good shape to exercise. It's funny, if you're me. Actually, it will be horribly painful if you're me, yay! *thumbs up*
I'm both bogged with schoolwork and not, so it makes for an interesting situation. In the meantime, I get plenty of exercise running after the kids and I'm keeping up with my regimen (despite having gained a pound last night, dammit. So my tally has lowered from five pounds lost to four. Keeping my cool, not getting frustrated and trying to rip the fat off myself or anything...).
Alrighty, I'll exercise tonight, eat well (ooh, salad from Woodranch- that sounds good), and laze about because I can dammit.
Am I boring you? I apologize if I am. I'm just trying to keep on track. We'll see where my non-ADD-ness takes me.

Going to Bed

Today was weird once again. Not eating-wise- in fact, I was better today than I think I have been in a bit. So, I'm not worried.
However, I will be going to Israel in December, hiking a lot, so I need to get in shape to exercise. Ha ha.
I exercised by running around with the kids today. I get to keep my job (my job trial is over) and I'll be getting more exercise than I can handle.
Although, they won't share their playdough with me, so I'll get my exercise by BEATING THEM WHEN THEY DON'T SHARE!
...ha ha. Just kidding! (ish)
Alright- going to bed since I actually HAVE to go to school tomorrow.
I'll be more interesting tomorrow night, I promise.

I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY!

Ok, this weekend has been sort of surreal- but in my mind, in order to continue with this, I have to keep my eye on the prize. So going this long without writing (unless previously established it will happen) will not happen again. This keeps me motivated on my target.
Wow, I sounded like weird military dude right there, didn't I?
Anyway, this weekend has been filled with sitting on my butt watching movies, so now I need to kick it back up. Routine is always really good for me because it keeps me focused on my goals. Except now I have stupid homework I need to do. And my job. This becomes tougher by the day.
But, for the most part I don't have many temptations anymore. The only reason I did this weekend was because...of human nature. Anyone who is a girl knows (and now because it's super obvious, anyone who is NOT a girl e.g. guys knows).
I'm exhausted from having a weekend away from responsibilities. It was sublime. Now, I just need to do all my homework and keep my job and lose weight and see my friends and it should be easy!
...right?
I hope I'm not fucked.
This update sucks, I know. I'll write better tomorrow for sure.
Keep your faith in me. Lord knows I'm trying to keep mine.

My Apologies (Day 5 recap)

My apologies, oh devotees, for not having posted yesterday. Do you like my inflamed sense of confidence in how you all love me? Ha ha ok, I'll stop with that. But I do apologize for not writing yesterday- I stayed at a friend's last night and was so stoned that I couldn't do anything (also a joke- it just got really late and we went to bed).
Day 5 was mostly good but I didn't get a chance to exercise AGAIN (which you know what that means- more tonight). Why I punish myself with not exercising one night and then exercising a shit ton the next night is truly beyond me. But like I've previously stated, masochism- it's cool! *thumbs up*
I'm sorry to say that yesterday was highly uneventful except for the fact that I made a small child cry (which makes me feel terrible, whereas my friend Erin will be laughing her butt off once she sees this). He drew on a girl's paper, which caused her to cry, which caused me to put him in a time-out, which caused him to cry. I'm the big, bad meanie (big is what I'm trying to change so that later, my title can just be "Bad Meanie" or "That Mean Chick").
Random change back to weight: down 4 pounds total (yay!), though probably up somewhat now due to...mother nature (like you all wanted to know that, but still- boo!). Caloric intake was fairly good yesterday and I did get a little exercise chasing after the little ones (as I always do- it's been hot as hell here so I'm sweating and running after them- attractive, right?).
Today will prove to be somewhat of a challenge, as my friends have made a mission for some time before I started this to travel out to a phenomenal cookie place. Yes, a cookie place- my kryptonite (if I spelled that right- y'know, that thing Superman doesn't like), my love, my downfall.
I know I can do well- for the first time in my life, I actually WANT to exercise, so I think that'll save me in the end.
Random interjection (me interrupting myself- that's how it usually goes): the adorable gay guy at Blockbuster. He was just so sweet, I feel I need to give him a shout-out.
Ok folks, I promise I'll write tonight. In the meantime, with free reign on what to eat, I'm going to truly test myself. I know this time I really want this- now I have to put that passion into motion.
Until tonight. GO TEAM!

Day 4

I might want to come up with more clever titles for my entries. You would then be able to see whether or not it was a good day or a "Fuck-this-crap-I'm-gonna-eat-a-pound-of-cake" day. Well, today was a good day- I lost a little more (my to-scale scale...see, I made a math pun. That's a first. Anyway, my super duper scale does weight by 258.7 and all that). I'm down to 256.2, yay! I lost weight despite the fact...
I...possibly...maybe...didn't exercise last night.
*waits to be stoned*
Not that stoned! THAT stoned would just make me eat more. While I'm trying to lessen my portions, I'm not doing that stupid thing where you starve yourself to be thinner. That never works- I want to say especially with me. If I go too long without eating, I start to get shaky and then I scarf down whatever I can get my hands on. No, not one of my excuses for eating whatever I want- it's the super truth.
Although I will be honest- tonight I was so jonesing for chocolate (yeah yeah, jonesing for chocolate, stoned, big fat drug addict, yada yada yada). However, I had a giant epiphany my father has been trying to get through my head since I was 13- I can have a bite or two of something AND THEN BE DONE WITH IT! Like there are some things I can't stop eating- cookies (God help me, I love eating cookies...and baking cookies...and rolling around in cookie dough...no, scratch that last part) being the main thing.
Speaking of which, since my parents don't like me making too many treats (none of us need to be fatter- not the exact words, but the gist of it), I'm only allowing myself to bake once a month (with the exception of tomorrow because I'm baking cookies for my parents. Special request, DON'T COUNT, NAH NAH NAH NAH!). My friends will probably be kinda disappointed as I am the self-designated baker and bake for all of their birthdays/because I freakin' feel like it. But, they will be strong...and learn to bake for themselves. C'mon guys!...just kidding. Ish.
Randomly moving on, since I didn't exercise last night, I doubly exercised tonight. I know that doesn't really work, but I did it because I can/needed to/am fat. After all, that is one of the main points of this whole thing, right? Other than to gain the adoration of the strange internet people *waves* hi! I can't see you, but I think you're cute. Thanks for reading.
Anyway, my weirdness aside, today was good on the food front and even better on the exercise front (especially since some of the exercise comes from working with three year olds. I run after them so much that I get exercise just by going to work. But, they are super adorable- one of them handed me a baby doll today and said, "Here's a baby." It made me laugh).
Alright, sports fans, I know this has been super interesting, but I like to think that I vaguely entertain you/enlighten about my existance. I know your life was bland without it (kidding, just kidding).
I'mma gonna go jiggle off to my friend's house. 'Til tomorrow, darlings!
*jiggle jiggle*

Day 3

I told my folks about mine blog here. I hope I didn't jinx myself (which isn't to say they're a jinx- it just seems that I inevitably jinx myself whenever I tell someone I'm doing this for serious. Then again, this whole thing would be pretty self-defeating then, wouldn't it? Hey, you know what's fun- rambling! I'm going to stop that now) but everyone I've told has been super supportive and a follower! You guys rock, I love you all!
Day 3 has been going pretty well with a few hitches- I keep waking up hungry. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom's healthy meals (last night was strips of steak and artichoke- and for those of youi saying, "Steak isn't healthy" you can have my flabby white butt instead. Yeah, I totally said it. Or typed it. Something. Yeah) but once I exercise, I get hungrier and then I go to bed hungry. So this morning I was starving, but I didn't overdo it on my cereal (yes, I eat cereal too, but that justification is that I need carbs to sustain me through the morning).
But, interesting things have happened following Day 2- for starters, I lost 2 pounds, yay me! Ha ha. I was sitting at a table during my waiting period for my next class, eating strawberry-banana yogurt while reading "Kiss the Girls" by James Patterson (awesome movie, strange book. Usually it's the other way around, but...I don't have an ending to that sentence. How embarrassing) when this guy comes up to me. We chit-chat a little bit about the novel and the other novels following; it's awkward and the conversation doesn't flow well. He's sweet and somewhat shy, but you know you're grasping at straws when they say, "So...I see you like the strawberry-banana kind of yogurt." Yeah, it got that weird. In fairness, I feel kind of guilty- it takes guts to go up to a random stranger to ask them out (oh did I mention that? Well, now I did. I must stop repeating myself/rambling). But I didn't give him my number- I didn't know him and it was just awkward.
The first thing I thought to myself when he left? "A guy just hit on me- man, those two pounds must've made all the difference!"
I laughed at myself. And I invite you to laugh at me as well. It'll be just like middle school, only instead I'll be laughing WITH you (and not horribly upset that people are mean. Reliving middle school is a fun masochist thing to do).
Anyway, I've made it my mission to be super good, food-wise. I only slipped a little today by having some chips with my dinner. It wasn't the whole bag, but they were sea-salt chips, so I gotta exercise extra hard to take off that fun water weight that'll surely add to my loving, ever-expanding waistline (well, I hope it's not ever-expanding; otherwise, I really suck at this).
In a final note, some lady in my class tonight kinda chewed my head off, so I prescribed her a nice tall glass of calm down juice. And then I wondered if there was such a thing- and then I wondered how many calories it would have. I suppose if it were calm down juice it would have minimal calories- otherwise, seeing its high caloric intake would cause people to not be calm. See?
Ok, this is what we crazy people think about with all our free time.
I'm seriously gonna do this dammit- I'm sore, I'm exhausted from school (and the new job- the three year olds are a workout unto themselves); but I'm going to do this. And having you guys on the journey makes it that much better. You rock.
Alright yall, I'm gonna chill for a bit and then do my exercise thingy (remember: if you don't have the thingy, it's not really exercise. Is that what she said? I should go).
Love, peace, and chicken grease

Day 2

So here I am, sitting here, dressed in my 2XL Fall Out Boy shirt (thankfully, it's too large) and my grimy shorts (that I sweated in all day long), ready to go. I'm delayed in my exercising tonight but for a very good reason- my awesome friend Erin came to visit me and we yukked it up.
Saying yukked it up sounds ridiculously 50's to me. I can't pull off ridiculously 50's. This would be like trying to say, "Cool beans" (which my other awesome friend Sarah can pull off- sadly, the only thing I seem to be able to pull off is, "What the fuck you lookin' at?!").
Anyway, Day 2 of operation, "Stop Being Such a Fat Chick, You Fat Chick" is going well. The only problem I was having was cravings- they started to set in. Even for things I know I wouldn't normally like- like a Tommy's burger and tater tots. I can't STAND Tommy's food. I lived off it during Driver's Ed because that was the closest "restaurant" near the eight-hours-for-four-days class.
So yeah, cravings. But I did find out something interesting about myself: for certain foods, if I don't see it, I won't crave it. For example, frozen oreos (don't judge, they're friggin' DELICIOUS!): if I don't see them, I won't crave them. Like now- I know they're in our freezer, but I don't crave them. But, if I see them, my mouth starts watering. For me, it's mostly the visual stimulation of it. Although I gotta be honest: since going to In N Out last week with Sarah, I have super hugely been craving it. But I also know that when I would eat it I would just be super huge the hour after I ate it. I also can't even LOOK at chinese food without gaining two pounds.
I'd have to say today was tougher than yesterday, but at least the Civil War has come to an end. Also, I'm super sore from exercising yesterday, which is a good sign because it means it was working.
Currently, I'm using Jillian Michaels's Fat Shredder Thingy. The "thingy" part is what really adds to it. But seriously, I like it. I would recommend Jillian Michaels's workouts. Plus, she USED to be a fat chick, which makes me like her even more. If she can do it, so can I. As my friend Becca's mom once told her (bless you, Becca): "If you can read it, you can read it."
Sorry, it's super funny to me. I often throw random references into any of my conversations (or in this case, me talking to...whoever you are. Although I know two of you- I love you guys!).
Alrighty, I'm actually not going to blow it off- I'mma gonna exercise. I'm exhausted from working with three year olds, but I can do it dammit. I'm woman, hear me jiggle!
'Til tomorrow.