It's a day of sorts

Super hungry. Don't know what to do for dinner. Although some of the three year olds I work with suggested sand. That's low in fat, right?

I did really well yesterday- at least, I thought I did. Imagine my surprise (here I am, all proud of myself) and the fucking scale goes, "Joke's on you, fatty, you gained a pound!" I'm sorry, but wtf?

Anyway, just doin' my best. I really want to do this, as I need to be in shape for my trip in the winter. Not only that, I'm trying to do this and it's like the universe is saying, "But we LOVE fatties. They go great with mustard." Or something vaguely along those lines.

Plus the fact that I keep getting the overwhelming urge to bake doesn't help. I don't want to eat it, I just want to bake it. But then my folks get upset if I bake it- "then we'll eat it!" Kind of the point, but whatever, maybe I'm just crazy.

So, I've been super good today, ordered a DVD of my favorite exercise routine (it's the Jillian Michaels one that I have now- but because it's on demand, it'll disappear soon and I want it for keepsies).

Sometimes, I want to punch myself in the stomach. And then I remember that that would more than likely hurt. Also, I like myself too much to hurt me. But, I don't like anyone else enough it seems because every time a skinny girl passes by, I want to grab her, punch her in the stomach, and yell, "EAT MORE!"

I still don't know what to do about dinner. I guess I'll go to the grocery store to get ideas. Remember: healthy. So I have to stay out of the cookie aisle (even though it always smells yummy).

Will workout later. Night kiddies.